Here I am – again. Starting – again.
It’s been a while, life getting in the way, me feeling overwhelmed. Clinging to my daily training, but too tired to blog.
Yesterday I had what Julia Cameron calls a Cryia, crying without a real reason, feeling very vulnerable and helpless, being jealous and feel a strong envy because I can’t travel where I so badly want to go.
Because I feel stuck with my current job in customer service, feeling controlled, feeling trapped.
Because I feel stuck since my Dad was diagnosed with dementia and refuses tests and treatment.
Now feeling stuck and helpless is something I usually feel before a big change is coming. It starts with intense feelings, like being jealous when I look at people I know who are doing much better, publishing their books, and I am still sitting here, writing, still no book done, let alone being published.
When I have a script for a shortfilm in the drawer, written nine months ago, when I felt excited, and don’t know how to move forward.
When I have this feeling of “will I ever get out here?” and “will I/my script/my writing ever be good enough?”
So I had one of those sleepless nights – ideas whirling in my head, crazy and wild dreams – and doing my morning practice got me through my workday. I re-connected with life today, had one of these moments of pure joy, when I connected with a child – and made the clear decision to write, to blog, to use these very intense feelings to fuel my projects. To propel me out of my current situation into new possibilities and options.
I know I can choose and I know no matter how much I stumble along on my path – the universe loves me, life loves me.
As long as I stand up after a fall I’ll be okay. I can do what I love, I can life a joyful life, I can enjoy every minute along the way.
So I chose this and here I am.
Stay tuned for more. And let me know how you deal with being stuck.