Boundaries

Today I’ll be visiting my parents and that brought up the thought of setting boundaries.
Saying No is one thing, and in addition to that I needed to set up boundaries, not only for my parents, but for my friends and co-workers.

There are days when I need my free time to myself, when I am writing new stuff, when I feel the need to listen, to meditate.
After that I am here for the rest of the world – but no longer at any time.

My last boss overstepped my boundaries every day. We had clear agreements from Day 1 and still I had to remind him every day. It was “can’t you do x now for me instead of your lunch break” or “will you please stay longer today” – not some
times, but almost every day.

At the same time my Dad was very ill and my Mum called many times each day, in the office, at home, I was on “high alert”.

From this constant struggle, that left me exhausted, I learned my lesson.
I took a time-out and changed something.

My Mum learned that at certain times e.g. when I do Satsang, she can’t reach me, because the phone is off, and now she respects it. With parents it’s even more difficult as they get older and need more help, and I am helping as good as I can, just not always.
This makes me feel better, and my family knows they get my full attention, when I am ready.

My creative side gets attention, too and that makes me happy.

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3 thoughts on “Boundaries

  1. As a creative person, I too sooo understand your need for “A Room of Your Own”, to at least put yourself and your needs “on the list”, if not at the top. Especially one that is fireproof with passion burning inside you.

    I also believe in boundaries – setting my own boundaries and respecting others. And yet, oftentimes it can be a tightrope act, because reality doesn’t always respect our boundaries and Life is fragile. The beauty of phones is that you don’t have to answer, but once I picked up the phone, always had one rule: Family First. As difficult as it was at times to listen to my mom go on and on and on, especially if I was in the middle of something, I bit my tongue. And yea, moms are terrific laying on the guilt. Life is a juggling act. Balance does not mean that all balls are equal, it just means that we learn how to keep them in the air in a way that creates harmony. The trick is to find the right balance that is harmonious for you that will allow you to be yourself and creative guilt free.

    I hope that I am not coming across too strong, don’t mean too. It’s just that I am a mom, a granny and a daughter whose both parents continue to live on in her heart. I know the difficulties dealing with ill, ageing and demanding parents, but I also know the feeling of loss.

    Big HUGS from the heart ❤

    • Judy, thank you, I totally understand where you come from. The creative path we are on is a lifelong journey, as is the balancing of our needs and those of our family. Big hugs back at you 🙂

  2. Sabine, your blog post ‘Boundaries’ is brilliant; it rings very true with me. I feel a huge sense of frustration whenever my life becomes overrun by things other people want me to do, and when time gets taken up that I could be using to do something creative. When I do set boundaries and dedicate decent time to being alone and creative in my studio, I notice that I am much happier and calmer and more fun to be with when I come out of it. I worry that setting boundaries for my friends and family will offend them, but I just have to trust that they understand.

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